Anger Management: When Ego, Silence and Anger Collided

Understanding the Thin Line Between Expression and Explosion

Anger Management

Anger is not an enemy; it is an emotion meant to protect us. Athletes, wrestlers, labourers—many people use anger as fuel to push their limits.

But anger becomes harmful the moment it crosses the boundary of logic and respect.

Like every other discipline, anger too follows an equation:

When (Ego + Anger) > Logic → the outcome is chaos.

And when the equation is balanced, anger becomes energy.

Today, I’m sharing a sensitive real-life incident—one that taught me the importance of balancing this emotional equation. Even after 27 years, this day still breathes inside me.

The Incident I Still Remember

One of my favourite students, Mrs. Dubey, a builder’s wife, used to attend my personality development and spoken English module.

She had great command over Marathi, Gujarati, Bhojpuri, and of course Hindi.

Her sister Pinki, a college student, also accompanied her to improve her English.

It was a special ladies’ batch — a well-educated, well-settled group of 8 learners.

That time, my way of teaching English was mathematical and scientific, which attracted many students.

Everything was going smoothly — until the day anger entered the room.

While the class was going on, I was drawing a table of rules on the board.

A soft conversation began somewhere behind me. I couldn’t identify who was talking.

Whenever I turned, they all appeared normal.

A manageable irritation. A quiet beginning.

The kind of silence that hides a brewing storm.

And then—

A loud slap.

Before I could even turn fully—

Two more slaps. Quick. Sharp. On another face.

I froze.

My batch froze.

The room’s silence shattered into pieces.

Pinki had reacted to Mrs. Agarwal’s tone.

Mrs. Agarwal, unable to tolerate the expression, lost her calm and slapped Pinki saying,

“Don’t you have manners? This is how you behave with elders?”

And in return, she received double of what she gave.

Mrs. Dubey and Pinki held her tightly as tempers exploded.

My other participants—well-to-do, gentle, calm—sat trembling like quiet Gandhiji’s three monkeys. They had never seen such a moment.

When Mrs. Agarwal locked the door and said, “No one will leave until my husband arrives,”

I realised something important:

When anger takes over, logic becomes irrelevant.

Fear takes the driver’s seat.

When Mr. Agarwal came, he understood immediately — because he already knew his wife’s anger issues.

The matter could have ended with one simple “Sorry.”

But anger never waits for logic.

It listens only to ego.

The batch continued, except Mrs. Agarwal.

Later she once visited Praxis Academy alone — calm, composed, almost transformed.

I didn’t ask anything.

Some stories don’t need opening.

Some wounds don’t need reminders.

Even after 27 years, this incident lives within me.

Not as fear — but as a teacher’s silent learning.

Reflections

• Anger doesn’t come from situations — it comes from our inability to handle them.

• A small gesture, tone, or facial expression can trigger unresolved emotions.

• When ego takes charge, respect and relationships take the fall.

• Students look at the teacher for safety. That day, I realised how quickly a peaceful environment can turn into chaos.

• Group behaviour changes drastically in moments of fear.

• Sometimes, the strongest person in the room is the one who chooses not to react.

• Silence must be timely—either to de-escalate or to step away.

• Silence isn’t always weakness.

Sometimes silence is fear, sometimes shock, and sometimes it is a conscious choice to avoid escalation.

But in that classroom, everyone’s silence—including mine—magnified the tension.

Silence can calm, but it can also amplify a storm.

• A teacher’s role is not only academic; classroom energy also demands emotional intelligence.

Takeaways

✔ Anger is not wrong; uncontrolled anger is.

✔ A sorry said in time can save relationships, careers, and dignity.

✔ Power or status cannot protect a person from the consequences of uncontrolled reactions.

✔ Teachers must learn group psychology — not every batch is predictable.

✔ Conflict can transform people — if they are willing to learn from it.

✔ Pause before reacting; reaction is permanent, anger is temporary.

✔ Never react from ego. Ego always demands victory, not understanding.

✔ In conflict, the first person who calms down becomes the strongest person in the room.

✔ Address issues early; silence should be strategy, not avoidance.

✔ Anger management is not about suppressing anger—it is about directing it.

From the Desk of the Author

Even today, when I teach or interact with groups, this incident silently guides me.

Anger is not a villain.

It is an untrained energy.

If you shape it, it empowers you.

If you ignore it, it destroys the moment.

This blog is not just a story —

it is a reminder for all of us to pause, breathe, respond…

not react.

I remember incidents not because of what happened,

but because of what they changed inside me.

This one changed how I look at anger, silence, ego—and classroom energy. 

Disclaimer

Names and identities are kept as they were told.

The intention of this blog is learning, not judgement.

Every person reacts differently based on their emotional history.

— Rakesh Kushwaha

Educator • Writer • Observer of Real-Life Stories

Please reply 

What is one moment of anger that changed the way you see people?

Sharing my YouTube video for Anger Management: 

https://youtu.be/QWSc3TupMH4?si=nHJxZQmqaTHwp3JT